i see your nergh and i raise you gahergh

so colour me depressed. i was majorly tired this morningso missed my lift with mum to see stuart. which is bollocks cuz i haven't seen him in ages and i miss him. its a very sad state of affairs.  also life is depressing in another way, my bloody horse is being gay and it just completely seems like i've gone back to square one. very annoying really.  considering i wanted to compete and stuff this winter.totally unbelieveably sucks. also work is being generally weird.it is very depressing.

however, one bright spot my birthday party which i am currently attempting to organise, with a huge lack of success it seems. oh well. tra la la.

i can't really be bothered to say anything more to be honest. its too much effort. although i would like to make one point - enemies? wtf? grow up people. please.

otherwise there will be mass murder. yes you heard me murder most foul en masse.

now run along children and play your tired little games with your dollies and leave me alone

i'm bored. i'm staying up late to spite the last last 5 years where i had to be up at half 7 every sunday. because now i no longer work on a sunday. hurrah. although i feel i may get excessively bored of the not working thing. too much free time. like mr copas said. if i have too much free time i won't work as hard. which to be perfectly honest is total bollocks. i need to have lots of time to write stupid essays for mr thing for history. maybe i should go and look at this blog thingy. that would prob be a smart idea. i'm bored.

this is too much effort.

and stuart hasn't rang me.

which is weird. usually he does.

vague concern.

but i shall ring tomorrow and no doubt it will all be sorted.

*pout* and hannah went to brackley fair which i so wanted to go to. grumble. i'm all pouty and whiny cuz i'm tired.

wow. feel the e-love in this friends page. man alive. i surprised i'm alive due to all the nuclear fallout from the death glares being shot around me.

have you ever thought about being in the centre of a tug of war thingy and being pulled in two different directions? or possibly three where you just cut yourself off from everyone and find new friedns?

i feel like that.

i know many will say but you bitch about them too (from both sides) thats not important. what is important is..............that we were all friends at one point and maybe some of us don't want to be friends but it should so not be said over the internet and that it should be resolved amicably.

i don't really get whats going on anymore anyway. i get confused easily and just start looking at attractive people and its fun.

hannah's right. school *is* hard enough without added bitching between supposed friends.

and thats what annoys me. the whole 'yeah i hate her.....omg hello *enveloping hugs* blah blah blah *fake laughs*' thing. it just slowly withers away at my optimistic thoughts that no one projects a fake self and we are all the people we actually seem to be. maybe thats a naive thought. i wish it wasn't.

why the two faced ness? i realise i'm very two faced as i say this by the way. why is it nessacary? why can't people be happy with one face?

this is so depressing.

i need coke


(not drug coke, drink coke i meant)

YOU
1. Name:
2. Date of birth:
3. Where you live:
4. What makes you happy:
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to:
6. Do you read my journal?:
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad?:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/do you have a crush at the moment?:
10. Favourite place to spend time:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. The best time of the year:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band, a song, or album:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends:
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you.

oh look i'm updating. how exciting. so whats going on with me? not a lot it would seem. buddy's improving, i'm still having the longest realtionship of my life so far, the weather is making me do crazy things like have water fights and distract year 7s. the mother is not home till monday now which is tres cool =D lots of partying going on. i think i'm gonna have a shock when i actually have to communicate with people after work. but the freedom is truly amazing. i ordered my own meal and i can decide what to do when i want and its just great. i'm having a way cool time.

the only black spot is my continually shitty ridng skills. buddy's improving but i feel like a child. i can do it with help but not by myself. which is annoying and frustrates my effort to be independant lol.

i'm tired now. and hot and dirty.

Taken from mamykins

Comment with your name and:
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll challenge you to try something.
3. I’ll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours

fun fun

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. i haven't updated in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages. whats going on? quite a bit really. i'm still going out with stuart and buddy is getting loads better and i'm really excited about it. amy's birthday is coming up and i have many ideas about presents but i dunno if i will get her all my present ideas. looking forward to her dinner thing too. and hopefully going to drayton manor with the school on her actual birthday which will be mega cool. i'm just in my happy place atm. which is cooooooooooooooool. love to all. will chat some more about stuff when people aren't behind me reading over my shoulder lol.

love you mamykins xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i'm bored. and tired. and slightly hyper. its a weird mix ut then i'm weird. oh well i'm also at thornton which is weird

oh and i made a community for magdelen kids only so please join cuz it'll be fun!

its called just_blibing so enjoy!

i'm tired. so very busy. exams totally suck. like really awfully. i hate mr nelson. if the fuckwit actually taught us i could have managed that exam. and probably blagged a pass. however i know i've failed miserably which completely wrecks my life plans of going to cambridge and taking a history degree. bastard teacher. do we have him next year? omg! *is dead*

the cat is practically lying on the keyboard which is really annoying.

the annoying thing is that i took my frustration out on my horse which wasn't really very fair cuz its not his fault that mr nelson is a shit.

not in like a beating way btw. i didn't beat my horse up. i was just quitwe unfair and harsh in my riding of him. which is never the best way to ride buddy cuz he gets bolshy and fed up with me. i'm having to go down early to hold him while he gets new shoes. he's not used to not having shoes so his feet are softer than if he never wore shoes (is this making any sense cuz i'm talking horse and i dunno if people understand oh well you shall suffer it) and the stones are hurting his feet when i hack him out and they are flaking and cracking all over the shop. not good really. and anyway, i have to go early to work to hold him for the farrier cuz he doesn't like standing still very much so i have to hold him still. it is rather like a gnat trying to stop a marching army though. and the farrier scares me slightly. or alot. but the good news is that i'll be able to hack him out now. cuz its tooooooooooooooo hot to school him. such a mission seriously. i came off him yesterday and we were both soaking in sweat. sooo not attractive. lol.

anyhoo, i'm off to look at clothes on the topshop website yay

so yes, frans party was lots of fun actually. and then i threw up lol. one feels i shouldn't drink rum and vodka together.

anyway, i am very happy atm. buddy is getting loads better and i'm really happy with stuart. occasionally it scares me. the way he makes me feel is overwhelming occasionally cuz i'm not used to being so wanted and adored. i even feel weird abut saying that he adores me. i'm just soooooooooooooooo nt used to it.

also i wish to point out that i am 17 and therefore do ot have to have grown up times at all

stuarts mates are a great laugh too. loads of fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

also frustratingly enough i'm getting bored of schooling my horse. its such a mission. so i have lots of exerises to do with him. its annoying cuz he gets bored really easily too. ah well i think i'm now a-leaving to se e bloke so adios

hey kids. whats going on?

i'm tired and almost full now. ok now i'm full lol.

anyway, to move on in a forward motion like. urm i kinda screwed up my exam. cuz i messed up the last question. but it doesn't really matter i don't think.i can't be bothered to panic though. i did alot of internal panicking this week. but its ok now.

anyhoo. major panic. i think i'm having to meet all stuarts friends on sunday evening. which is a terrifying thought. and i havfe no idea what to wear. omg. dies

so happy bouncy shiny things. life is goood. love every part except possibly the whole exam thing coming soon. totally not fun. but i'll deal somehow.

i love panic sooooooooo much. its all bouncy and fun.

i missed my darling amy today at schoolio. we talked blibe and gimps. it was so fun.

i got a D in comms coursework!!!!!!!!! hurrah!!!!!!!!

ok its a D but before it was UNGRADED! le gasp! but now its cool

me and fran went mental in history. eric wants sarah, teapots are suspicious and fran was making odd hand movements trying to play a tambourine.

its allllllllllllllllllll crazy.

SHOTGUN! WEDDING! SHOTGUN! WEDDING!

oh yeah

so hyper lol

happiness is a cigar called hamlet.

i'm bored and slightly hyper. its fun.

i bought two albums today. dirty pretty things and snow patrol. i was very excited. i'm a sad child. though apparantly very funny in the way that i talk.

anyway, i'm very happy atm. life is good. stuarts adorable and i'm really looking forward to seeing him again on saturday. yay!

really tired though.

anyway must go lol

i'm tired. life is weird. everyone seems unhappy with life. i don't know why. i love my life. but i suppose i have many reasons.

i need everyone to be happy. i need to be able to discuss my life with others. i don't talk to people anymore. mainly cuz they just don't seem to care anymore.

anyway, before i get too emo i'm off

so.......bit weird. i have a boyfriend. called stuart. and he's 20. and lovely. with 3 tattoos. and he said i was beautiful. and me being insecure said something like are you sure? and he was like yeah....i doubt you guys really want to hear about me and my (yes MY) boyfriend. but your gonna have to. i mean i haven't had like a proper boyfriend for actually ever and i actually thought i was never gonna find anyone ever. and so few people know how deeply insecure i am so they won't get what i mean. anyway, nobody wants to me to carry on talking about mieneself and miene boyf (indeed i will attempt to say that as often as poss) and - whoa headrush - so i shall move on. to talk about my horses *collective groan from readers* i had such a good time at the show on sunday it was such a laugh. and i got a rossete even though i didn't do very well. and then when we got back i rode my big boy (the horse not my bloke tee hee) which was so amazing i actually almost cried. i know i'm very sad but i actually never thought that i'd be able to. seriously. i thought it was the end of the road. but its not. he's getting loads better and i'm so happy. seriously the best day. maybe not of my life because that was greenday. but so far best day of this year. =D=D=D=D

happy thoughts

so yes

guess what

i can ride buddy on sunday!!!!!!!!

HURRAH!!

also i love hannah because she's beautiful and funny and lovely. never forget it sweetie

how fun. first day back at school. fun filled. i loved seeing everyone again cuz i missed them so. how annoying amylase has bought the kooks album!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO HAVE TO MAKE ME A COPY! like bullet for a bible and jack johnson. anyway, yes i missed everyone, especially sarah and fran. we spent most of our free hysterically laughing about swozen famp or something and it was hilarious. and i've been set up with fran's boyfriends friend. how exciting. although mother is being silly bout taking and dropping off and stuff. oh well.

anyway have done, an english essay. and now have to do that bloody timeline thing. mr hughes is such a sadist. have no idea what i should do for comms so i'm not gonna try. by the looks of things i'm going to have to do two essays over the weekend and then go to frans adn then go to a show on sunday. killer.

bugger me its cold. my fascist mother is smoking and the stupid door is open and its cold!!!!!!

i am actually officially dead.

seriously am possibly the mosst tired i have ever been in my entire life. yet i do not give in. i continue to stay awake. and then there will be shopping. what fun eh? bored anyway. life is so unfun. well thats a lie it is fun. but its dull too.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guess what i'm doing on tuesday???


THATS RIGHT I AM LUNGEING MY HORSE!!!!!!!! and maybe possibly sitting on him! IE I CAN RIDE MY HORSE AGAIN TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG

OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG
*is dead*

i'm so excited its actually not funny.

life is fantastic! love it!

i have some family gathering on weds for which i am planning on being some kind of misguided angry teen. which should be way fun. although i think i have to buy some kind of present for my nan - well it is her 70th after all. le sigh. boredom. maybe i'll just text dad and tell him that he should get the present? but thats like chickening out of it. oh well. but then i have to get up and dressed anyway cuz i have to get credit for my useless phone. and my hair is soooooooooo dry its not even funny. i think i nreed some kind of straightening cream or something. merf. uselesss hair. though i love it cuz its all blonde and beautiful.

amy could you do: bullet for a bible, boy named goo and that jack johnson album for me please? are we still staying over on saturday? cuz i have vinny's party on the sunday i think. whuich i'll be late forr anyway cuz i have to stay at work till marion and kelly get back. but anyway of track, did you know dara o'brian was one of the 50 best standups in the times? yes he was. as was ross noble. fucking brilliant

"Endlessly"

There's a part of me you'll never know
The only thing I'll never show

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes

It's plain to see it's trying to speak
Cherished dreams forever asleep
Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes

Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
And I won't leave you falling
But the moment never comes

sigh, i love this song. gonna have it played at my funeral i think. as well as sacrifice from the gift. i like thinking about my funeral cuz it helps me remember that people love me and would follow my wishes - hint hint amy - and i'd like a big long eulogy about how brilliant i was and how you'll miss me and you totally loved me. god this is depressing. and i want to wear....my playboy shoes, with my emo cords, silver belt, and i don't know what top quite yet....i don't really have a favourite top oh, white racer back top. i know its dull but it might change oh wait no of course my beautiful turquoise top that i seem to spend all my time drunk wearing it lol. yep thats want i want to wear. and i want lilys everywhere. and forget me not and red roses and.......like lots of little flowers around. my funerals gonna be way cool. and i want like photos of me throughout the years in like a slideshow. especially the ones we took today cuz i love those. =D

i would like to point out i am actually planning on not dying any time soon but if i am you know.

ok so

EMMA@S FUNERAL SONGS
1. i miss you -blink 182
2. lucy in the sky with diamonds - beatles
3. hey jude - beatles
4. endlessly - muse
5. extraodinary girl - greenday
6. fall at your feet - james blunt
7. goodbye my lover - james blunt
8. iris - goo goo dolls
9. dance dance - fall out boy
10. lucky - britney
11. time in a bottle - jim croce
12 heartbeats - jose gonzalez
13. glamourous indie rock and roll - the killers
14. everything will be alright - the killers
15. lullaby - jack johnson
16. everytime - britney
17. good riddance(time of your life) - greenday
18. come what may - moulin rouge only!
19. sacrifice (from the gift) - buffy
20. the last song - all american rejects
i forgot 21. starcrossed - ash!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think i may have ruined alot of people faves songs now. i'm sorry but i'm not planning on dying anytime soon believe me!

love to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx